Lately I’ve realized I’ve been slipping into negativity. Teaching is hard, and one of the toughest parts is navigating so many people with different values, opinions, and agendas. I feel like I’m constantly bracing for conflict—with colleagues, students, parents, admin, even other drivers on my way to school. It’s started to feel like everyone is against me, and I’ve been reacting that way: quick to judge, quick to defend, and dreading going to work. I could feel myself becoming someone I didn’t want to be, and I knew I needed to change something.
Enter my quote of the week board.
As I was searching for a quote to put up, I ran across this quote from J.D. Salinger:
“I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.”
I had an epiphany. If I had learned to feel like everyone was against me, was it possible to flip it? Could I believe that people were plotting to make me happy instead? Could I make that mindset switch?
Almost immediately I thought, no. Not really. I could tell myself that, but I couldn’t really believe it. After all, I have way too much experience with people. I know for a fact that people are innately self-centered, especially high school students and their parents. They do not care about my feelings, couldn’t care less about my happiness, and that fact has been amply proven over and over again. Telling myself people are plotting to make me happy does not make it true, and I’ll just get hurt worse if I do.
Then I stopped myself. Was I looking at the whole picture? Another thing I’ve learned is that there is always another side to any argument. What was I missing? Was there a way that I could believe that people are plotting to make me happy, based on my experience?
Almost just as immediately, I realized that yes, I could do exactly that, and all I had to do was turn my original argument around. People may not be trying to make me happy on purpose, but the things they do to feel appreciated and gain my approval often end up creating moments of happiness for me anyway. In essence, they are plotting to make me happy.
I spent the next couple of days repeating this to myself: People are plotting to make me happy. And I started seeing evidence to back that up.
- The girl who comes in after school every day just to say hi and ask how my day was.
- The violinist who *finally* played her part correctly and couldn’t wait for me to acknowledge it.
- The two students who stayed after school to clean up after a class party so I didn’t have to.
- The principal who came in to my office to congratulate me on a job well done and to apologize for not doing it sooner.
- My student aide who left a note on my desk wishing me a happy Thanksgiving.
Everywhere I looked, I saw people going out of their way to lift my spirits and make my day a little easier. As I realized how much people do for me, I started looking for ways to do more for them, and I was able to see even the more confrontational moments in a new light.
That parent who sent me an angry email probably felt guilty about not following through on a commitment and got defensive when I called her out on it. She wasn’t angry at me, necessarily. That perspective changes the way I respond.
In the end, I know this mindset won’t come naturally every day. I’m probably going to have some hard days when I go back to feeling defensive. But Salinger’s words remind me that I don’t have to believe everyone is plotting to make me happy, just that some people are, and they’re worth noticing. When I look for those small moments of kindness, I find them everywhere, and the more I see them, the more I want to create them for others. I want to be the one plotting other people’s happiness. If that takes a little mental work, it’s work I’m willing to do.