Redefining Your Identity

I never intended to teach Spanish. I got a minor in Spanish just because I wanted to improve my language abilities, yet here I am ten years later still teaching Spanish. I’ve learned a lot from teaching both Spanish and music, and I believe I’m a better teacher for teaching multiple disciplines. When I first started teaching high school, however, I had a rough time adjusting to high school students and I had a particularly hard time with my Spanish class. I asked one of the other Spanish teachers to observe me and give me feedback. He told me I was doing fine and gave me a few suggestions, but then he said one thing that hit a nerve.

“You’re doing fine. Don’t worry about it too much. Spanish doesn’t need to be your ‘thing.’”

He intended it to be kind, letting me know that I could put my efforts into my music classes and not worry so much about Spanish. He didn’t know that it would hurt my feelings. You see, I didn’t define myself as a Spanish teacher or a music teacher. I defined myself as a teacher. Teaching was my ‘thing,’ and it didn’t matter what subject I was teaching. I wanted to be the best teacher I could be.

With the pandemic and schools resorting to online teaching, I have discovered another truth about how I define myself. I base a lot of my self-worth on my orchestras’ performances. When our concerts and festivals were cancelled, I was devastated. I never realized how much those performances meant to me until suddenly they were gone. Nothing hurt so much as knowing it was highly likely that my students would never perform their festival music. A great performance from my kids means that I’m doing something right. It’s proof to myself that I’m a good teacher.

Seems shallow, right? Maybe it is, but I know I’m not alone in feeling that way.

In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear talks about identity. He says if we identify with a single concept too strongly, it can be devastating when something about that changes, and if there’s anything we know for certain, it’s that things will change. We grow older. Accidents happen. The job you’ve done for years suddenly becomes something altogether different.

Clear recommends being intentional about how we identify ourselves and finding ways to keep the important aspects of our identity intact, even if our particular role changes. For example, instead of telling yourself, “I’m an athlete,” you might say, “I’m a person who is mentally tough and loves a physical challenge.” 

I think all of us teachers right now have gone through a pretty drastic role change. We are no longer in the classroom with our students. Music teachers in particular are struggling to find purpose when everything we are used to doing with our students is no longer possible. How do you teach a performing ensemble from a computer screen? How do you teach kids to play instruments when they don’t have instruments? Is there any reason to even try?

For me personally, it’s been a time to redefine myself. I have found myself thinking back to the time when I simply defined myself as a teacher. Now I feel like I need to adjust my identity even a little more. If I can’t define myself as a music teacher in the traditional sense, then who am I? What can I offer my students if it’s not a traditional orchestra setting? But maybe I should take that even farther. What if I couldn’t be a teacher at all? What parts of my “teacher” identity could I take with me into the rest of my life? After thinking through that, I came up with some things that are most important to me.

I am someone who takes joy in the successes of others and tries to help them be as successful as possible.

I am someone who looks for solutions rather than dwelling on the problems.

I am someone who makes others feel loved and valued.

I am someone who always gives her all, no matter the circumstances.

Those are the best parts of my teacher self. Those are the characteristics that I’ve developed after years of working with students, often in less-than-ideal circumstances. Maybe during the next few weeks I can find ways to use those parts of who I am to better serve my students in these new circumstances. Ultimately, I became a teacher because I want to help others learn to live their best lives, and right now my students need that. We all need that. I want my students to feel like they are loved and that they are good at something. Whether I’m in a classroom, on a stage, or sitting at a computer, that’s what I hope to do.

Today’s Challenge

Think about how you define yourself. What are the most important aspects of your identity that could be applied to any situation or role? Write them down and think about how you could use them to help you face your own challenges.