At the beginning of the school year I ask my students what they enjoy most about orchestra and what they look forward to. The two most common responses are always playing music with others and performing. Students love performing! It’s one of the most motivating parts of being in a performing ensemble.
When students get up on the stage and play their pieces for an audience, their performance is a representation of hours and hours of hard work. Presenting that work for an audience and getting feedback is incredibly rewarding and meaningful. We all want to share the things we care about with the people we love.
You can probably remember a time when you worked hard on something and were proud of what you accomplished, whether it was winning a championship game, creating a piece of artwork, cooking a delicious meal, or whatever else. Remember how you felt? Remember wanting to share that with someone? Students love sharing their music with their family and friends, and a concert is the perfect way to do that.
So what can you do as a parent to make those performances special? First of all, just show up. Your child may tell you that it’s okay if you don’t come. They may even tell you not to come, but show up anyway. You need to be there watching them and cheering them on. Whether your child admits it or not, having you there is important to them and it will become more meaningful as they see you consistently show up time and time again. My parents still come to almost every one of my concerts after more than 25 years. Seeing them in the audience and knowing that they care enough about me to be there means the world to me.
After the concert, talk to your child about the performance. This music is something they’ve worked on for weeks or months and they want to know what you think. They want to know that you were listening. Find something specific and positive about their performance that you enjoyed and tell them what it was. It’s not enough to say it was good; kids see through that immediately. Tell them what your favorite part was, or what went well. Ask them questions about the pieces they played, like which piece they liked the most or which piece was the most difficult and why. You may even want to discuss some things that they could work on, but keep those kinds of comments positive and encouraging. More than anything, your child wants to know that you were paying attention and that you appreciate their work.
Finally, make the day special. A concert or recital is a celebration of what the students have learned and accomplished – make it feel like a celebration! You could start a tradition of going out for ice cream afterwards or having a special dinner before. It doesn’t need to be anything big; even just dressing up a little and giving some flowers to your child afterwards can make the event feel special.
Performances can and should be more than just another event on the calendar. They are mile markers on a student’s musical journey. As a parent (or family member or friend), you can make them even more meaningful. Those concerts and recitals can be opportunities to build a stronger relationship with your child and to motivate them to keep growing and progressing musically.